Learning while Black

All kids left behind if we don't get behind them and push harder!

2009-08-06T13:02:00.004-05:00

I spent the best days of my summer teaching young people in a federal TRIO program this year. The daily burden was mine to impress upon these children the importance of accountability and personal responsibility. I've learned many lessons from them. I've come to the realization that our school system, in this democratic capitalist country, continues to fail some children miserably. See, if you're poor, you tend to get sub-standard treatment. If you're black, you tend to get sub-sub-standard treatment and forget about it if you're black AND poor! I've witnessed children asking questions that I thought were elementary, at the 10th and 11th grade level and these are children who attend school every day (ok so some of them cut a class or two but they still enter the buildings).

Let's take for example, the young man who was proud to tell me, when asked, that Haiti is in Asia. He followed up some weeks later with a question about Nigeria being a continent. Now, this is the same child who proudly announced to me that he doesn't read and his mother assured him that this problem was "normal" because she had the same issue in school, she never remembered much of what she read. He also informed me that "If this WAS regular school, you'd hate me, Miss because I'd never come to class" as if he were doing me a favor by showing up everyday without a pen, without his homework, and with his "clever" questions. He constantly reminded me that he can't spell, and he said this repeatedly without regret and announced it as a medal even. He wanted to be "excused" for everything. He blamed the system for all of his shortcomings: "I can't read my own handwriting. It's not my fault! That's the fault of the people who taught me how to write! Why didn't they make sure that I knew how to write?" or how about "I didn't bring a pencil, Miss. It's not my fault, that's my TC's fault for waking me up so early for class and rushing me out of my room for breakfast." When told that this program was preparation for college he retorted "this program don't prepare us for college! They make us go to bed by 10 and we can't even use our cell phones." What is wrong with this picture? This is the same kid who informed me on the first day of classes that he is NOT Black (despite his shoulder length dreadlocks and his dark skin complexion and very ethnic name--with even an apostrophe in it). He is not interested in associating with Black people because as far as he knows, they are ignorant and embarrassing (it could very well be that this is his experience. He has, after all, lived most of his life watching both his father and step-father go in and out of prison). Well, that was my life in my first period class every day for the last six weeks. And it made me pause to reflect on what is happening in our schools to our children and what the possibilities are for my own children and yours.

In the age of 'accountability' and laws about leaving children behind, it is surprising to see how many of our children have begun to rise to low expectations. As contradicting as my last statement are the results of NCLB. If we are fighting to close the achievement gap, then who explains why in the age of technology, so many black, brown, and poor white children are losing their motivation to rise above the fray and accomplish more than their families have accomplished? Why is it that children's writing skills and computation skills are far below grade level and why has it become increasingly difficult to convince them to work harder? I can't recall how many times I had to hear the words "This is too much work!" from my 9th and 10th grade students this summer. It would appear as if I were administering some poisonous potion to their bodies every day by insisting that they read or THINK a little deeper into the texts they examined.

Is it not criminal to fail our children as educators, when all society asks of us is to inspire, motivate, and encourage them to be at their very best? Is it not criminal of our system to allow such inequities in educational achievement between rich, poor, black, and white on a daily basis, while pretending that the USA is a beacon of hope for all? Why is the achievement gap a national crisis, just as an act of terrorism would be? Are we not terrorising an entire group of future tax-paying Americans when we fail to give them their fair shot at the pursuit of happiness? Why isn't there a war on unequal education, just as there is a war on drugs and a war on terror? If we don't put our collective strength behind these children, who sit in front of us everyday, we will fail our own selves and our own children for these are the very people who represent the future of our nation.

Presently, our future cannot identify their history, their current surroundings, or what the difference is between a continent and a country... If this is what we have to look forward to for years to come, then God save us all. .02

A Story of Small-Town USA

2009-05-15T09:28:00.004-05:00

Boy meets girl in school. Boy says he's going to ask girl to the prom. Boy asks girl and goes home and tells Mom and Dad. Mom and Dad say "cancel, she's black. You can't go to the prom with a Black girl!". How could it be? It's 2009! Are we still in that frame of mind? Welcome to small-town Amerikka.

The story is sad and it's even sadder that it's happening to a child. The first time the father of this bicultural family moved into the area, he was recruited by the KKK. He was surprised but even more afraid but did not fail to let them know that they probably wouldn't want him in their group once they saw his family. In this day and age, young women still experience the harsh sting of racism, at the hands of young white boys and girls and it's just simply disheartening to watch.

We have a biracial president, and yet a black girl can be told that she is 'not good enough' to go to the prom with another child because of her race. This young lady boasts a 92 GPA and is heading off to a very prestigious university on a Presidential scholarship in the fall. She is mannerly and quite beautiful, with the most caring upbringing that one can imagine. Her mothers tears pierced my heart as she told me the story and I wondered how we will ever mend these holes as time progresses.

We live in an area where Black faces are rarely seen in places of importance/power. White faces are dominant in the town and despite their destitute standing in the community, some of them still consider themselves more significant than Black people. The lessons I've learned in this town are priceless but I hate the fact that a child, a beautiful, brilliant, innocent child, also has to learn the same hard lessons in the same cold way.

She WILL have a date. Maybe even two. But the sad reality is that which the white family will have to live with for the rest of their lives. .02

experience at Geno's steaks in Philadelphia. One can learn much by simply reading a sign or 3...

2009-04-26T00:30:00.005-05:00

So if you live in Philly, apparently the "big" thing to do is to eat at Geno's Steaks on South Street (I think). Yeah the big cheesesteak place with the bright lights, that's it. My brother and I walked up to their establishment a couple weeks ago and the first thing I noticed was a memorial plaque dedicated to a cop, who, according to Geno's listing, was murdered by Mumia Abu Jamal. Then I saw a sign by the window that said "Speak English when you order. The owner has the right to not serve you. This is America." or something to that effect.

So there we were, my brother, decked out in our letters from our great, longstanding BGLOs, wondering if we were truly representing our founders by spending our money at that establishment. On the one hand, I was desperate to taste a philly cheesesteak, since everybody talks about them so darn much. On the other, I was giving my money to a visibly racist establishment, and they were glad to take it. We bought the cheesesteak and I resentfully bit my tongue as my brother whipped out his $15 to pay for cheesesteaks. Mind you, Geno and his staff are all Italian immigrants, so how dare he make a statement like "speak English" as if speaking English is a marker of anything. What if a tourist had heard about his establishment and wanted to roll on by to support his business? Geno is a jerk, simple. I was pissed and I vowed to never return and I will certainly urge others to never return to this racist establishment.I wanted to say something to them, I really wanted to scream and tell others on the line to pay close attention to the signs (people were just either drunk or simply walking past the signs. My brother had gone there a couple times before even realizing they were there).

In America, people say whatever they want at the expense of others and nobody can stop them. In that moment, I wanted to do like Etana and give them back their freedom of speech, for crying out loud (crying, we want to be free!). We have the right to say what we want at anyone's expense. I'm not criticizing the great Constitution of the U.S.A. but I'm wondering if that license to hurt with the two-edged sword, coupled with the license to kill (bearing arms) was really what the forefathers envisioned for Americans. .02

Pejorative

2009-03-20T00:20:00.009-05:00

It has taken me quite a while to finish this entry because, somehow, I was at a loss for words on this subject so I'm just going to write as much as I can feel right now and save the rest for later. So I've written about this student--this white male student--who had stepped INTO (not out of) his element to direct a derogatory statement at me. It was inevitable that somehow, considering his blatant lack of self-restraint and the clear absence of common sense that this flaw of humanity (God didn't create the monster that lies within this error of human judgement) demonstrated. The story is simple, He wanted my help, I ignored him, he lashed out and called me a NIGGER. Now I've had many encounters with derivatives of the word (which, arguably, have the same root no matter how you say it) but never before in my life had I been called that in a pejorative way from the mouth of a white man (a retarded one at that). The experience made me think of several things: 1) It took my achieving the highest level of education to hear the word; 2) Even the most retarded white person still thinks he can call me a Nigger; 3) Although we obtain economic and social "capital", we still have to be wary/prepared for the moment when a white person loses his/her senses and mentions this word around us.

Nigger. I say the word in this text simply to ensure that you are hearing it loudly and clearly. It meant something different coming from that spilled waste of semen (and yes, I refuse to call him anything human-worthy because his behavior was asinine and thus, in my opinion, he has surrendered his human qualities in my eyes...call it what you will). He looked me in the eyes and said "OK, NIGGER!" but not before he threatened to call his sperm donor to put me in my rightful place (probably back on their plantation, I'm guessing). I was the professor, he was the student and yet, and yet...AND YET...

A nation of cowards? That description is far too mild. One day I will finish this series of discussions about the many themes that emerged from my first encounter with a white carcass calling me an insulting name but for now, I'll leave with you my immediate response (in my head, of course), and pay homage to the greatest work of literature ever written by a human being without divine inspiration:

"One night I accidentally bumped into a man, and perhaps because of the near darkness he saw me and called me an insulting name. I sprang at him, siezed his coat lapels and demanded that he apologize. He was a tall blonde man, and as my face came close to his, he looked insolently out of his blue eyes and cursed me, his breath hot in my face as he struggled. I pulled his chin down sharp upon the crown of my head, butting him as I had seen the West Indians do, and I felt his flesh tear and the blood gush out, nad I yelled, "Apologize! Apologize!" But he continued to curse and struggle, and I butted him again and again until he went down heavily on his knees, profusely bleeding. I kicked him repeatedly, in a frenzy because he still uttered insults though his lips were frothy with blood. Oh yes, I kicked him! And in my outrage, I got out my knife and prepared to slit his throat, right there beneath the lamplight in the deserted street, holding him in the collar with one hand, and opening the knife with my teeth--when it occurred to me that the man had not seen me, actually; that he, as far as he knew, was in the midst of a walking nightmare! And I stopped the blade, slicing the air as I pushed him away, letting him fall back into the street. I stared at him hard as the lights of a car stabbed through the darkness. He lay there, moaning on the aslphalt; a man almost killed by a phantom. It unnerved me. I was both disgusted and ashamed...then I was amused. Something in this man's thick head had sprung out and beaten him within an inch of his life...Poor fool, poor blind fool, I thought with sincere compassion, mugged by an invisible man!"(p. 5)

The story that continues from that excerpt in Invisible Man is deeply moving and enlightening. I encourage you to read it further. My story, too, has yet to be completed but I will update as my thoughts become clearer. Consider this the second installment of several to come. There are so many thoughts to share about the madness surrounding the incident, that I will have to beg your patience in dealing with these short "teaser" entries. There's more, much more but "the end is in the beginning and lies far ahead." So please, "Bear with me".

.02

Nigger

2009-03-02T13:37:00.002-05:00

Just when I thought I was going to take a break from this whole discussion about race, I had to face racism head on and begin a whole new discussion about it. A few posts ago, I mentioned the young man who demonstrated both slight mental retardation and a propensity towards racism. Well, this was all confirmed on Friday when I refused to accept his behavior anymore.

The Burden

2009-02-25T12:57:00.007-05:00

I left my class today, after dealing with this kid who demands way too much of my time (yes, he's still there), really burdened by the thought of "hopelessness". As class ended, my only black, male student walked in and sat in front of me. I have known for a while that he's dealing with some issues (cases, bad influences, etc) and my heart goes out to him every time. Today was different though; he sat down although he had missed the class. He wanted an ear and so I listened. He hasn't turned in any of his work although he's done the work. The thing is, this particular assignment that's due is a personal essay and he told me he hates to write about his life. He isn't proud of himself and he hates to have to look back. "We were evicted," he said today "and I have nowhere to go. But I'm trying." He's trying...he really is. He shows up and although I see he has a strong defense system going on, it's easy to see that he's hiding something. He's hurting. Today, it was clear; he spoke little but said much. I asked him to tell me what I could help with and his eyes welled up with tears:

"Miss, I don't know. They say they need some financial aid papers that I can't produce. They want it from my father but my father is in Trinidad. And it doesn't help that my mother is always asking me for money. And yesterday, I missed your class because my sister ain't have no babysitter so I stayed with her kid. I'm tryin', Miss, I really am but they don't make it easy either. I talked to the lady in financial aid and she gave me a silly face saying she can't help me. I want to do better but if my life depends on it, I'm going back to sellin' and I know you gonna tell me about the consequences and all dat but my life depends on it, Miss. I'm tryin' and I wanna stay out of jail. Right now I got a felony on my back that I'm fightin' but if I gotta do it, I'ma sell again. Either that, or I'ma go to the army and take my anger out on some people in that war. I gotta do somethin' but this school thing seems like it's so hard. I'm tryin to stay out of trouble and away from these kids who are a bad influence but it's not workin', Miss. Not when my family gettin' evicted and I can't buy my books for school and it ain't like my sisters went to college so they not helpin'."

My heart was completely shattered as I watched him fight the tears. This kid is really trying and there was very little I could say to him to give him encouragement. Nobody at the school really understands the plight of this kid. See, he was charged with assault (he beat some kid with a bat) and he was sent to jail for 2 years. The contrast to that is that another kid in the same class (white) and his friends gave a guy a heavy beat down and he got 29 days and probation. Justice seems to have a heavy hand when it comes to certain children, but I digress. This young man is trying and he wants to stay out of trouble. It's just sad that with all that he has poured out to me, I still can't figure out where to begin to help him. I can't pay his tuition, I can't talk to his counselors because they won't talk about specific students, and I can't keep his family from being evicted. But when I look at him, I see a brother, a nephew, a cousin, and I can't help but feel responsible to at least do something to help keep him out of the hands of the justice system. After all, he's only 18! Look at what life we can hand him if we give him a college education, as opposed to letting him go and allowing the system to take his life and liberty!

This is the burden we all should share. We should be considering ways to help young people, such as this kid to get on the straight and narrow. Now we know he made choices before and his choices were not the wisest but is there any among us who will take a stand to help put this kid and those like him back on the straight and narrow and take them off the streets? He only sees two options outside of college: Jail and Jail because to me, the army is just another institution that is set up to "protect" us by putting our youngest, most talented men and women under a sentence that they can't seem to get out of. These shouldn't be his only options but they are. And the burden is mine to figure out if there is just one or two things I can do to help ensure that he stays the course because he is, afterall, really really trying. These are the situations that make me angry and sad and frustrated with our "system" of education and government. There is no rehabilitation: If you were always a miscreant, then you rarely have a chance at changing your life and doing what's right. The streets are calling our kids. In fact, I fight against the streets everyday! I remember when I was about to become a teacher in New York City and I did a small scale study of the area in which I would teach. I interviewed a drug dealer on the corner, who happened to be a fellow high school classmate of mine. He looked me squarely in the face and said "Keep your foot up their asses because I got my hand in their pockets. Your greatest enemy everyday is ME and I ain't gonna quit so you better not either." And I have NEVER forgotten that lesson. It was the most honest lesson I learned as a teacher. No seminar or book by any prominent professor could have broken down education theory and philosophy to me so simply as Face, the drugdealer in Brooklyn. "Keep your foot in their asses...I'm your greatest enemy...I ain't gonna quit so you better not..." I'm still fighting and will continue to do so; I just wish I had more ammunition.
$.02.

When White Attacks Black and White Is the Only Defense

2009-02-23T22:26:00.006-05:00

This issue has been bugging me all day, along with several other issues but I figured if I write about it, I can channel the energy in the right direction. I'm tired of whiteness...Seriously...I've had enough of white power, white supremacy, white ignorance, white walls, white anything. I'm officially asking white people to give me a day off from the foolishness!

Lately, there has been much talk about race and racism in our 'u'ni'topian' society. From chimps and shots to a nation of cowards, we've somehow begun to see that our society is not all that brave when ti comes to tackling issues of race. I have a feeling that very soon, these discussions will inevitably become so prominent that we will have no choice BUT to address what has been swept under a rug for so long (if you're white, that is). I say if you're white because for black people, race stares us in the face every morning before we leave our homes. Each day, we are reminded of our position in society, whether we're at the top or at the very bottom. Everyday that I stand before a class filled with white students, I remember that I'm black. Every time someone puts my change on the counter, I am reminded that I'm black. In fact, last week a student thought it wasn't enough that I see my beautiful black skin in the mirror every morning before heading to work, so he felt the need to remind me that I'm black. He received a grade that he didn't like on a paper and he retorted with a racial remark. Now, the result of this episode is what led me to write this post after almost 6 months of silence.

Let's recap the episode. I walk into a college classroom, stand at the podium, give my morning greeting and then walk towards the computer to start projecting the day's lesson. I begin the workshop and students are engaged in a discussion about their work. It is then that I realize that I need to return papers to them so they can critique and mend more of their work (this is an English class). I begin to return work and when said student receives his paper, his immediate response is to be on the defensive. Why? He earned a 4% on a quiz. I return his other paper (which he failed to actually revise after I made several suggestions for revision. So I just graded it as a draft, since I have nothing to do with people's ability to follow directions) and then the volcano erupted:
"Why would you give me a D?"
I looked around to make sure I had heard what I thought I heard.
"And why would you write to me in gel pen?"
Again, I wondered who the hell he thought he was talking to. I paused before responding and so happy I am that I paused.
"I know what you gave me a D...It's because you're bbb bbbb bbbbbbbbb"
At this point, I was ready to hear it. I've been called that before, here we go again! I figured, hmm, it's early in the semester but here we go! B____, yes yes, get it out, B____! And then...
"It's because you're BLACK and you think that you're the greatest force on the face of the earth!"
Pause...WHAT? What did he say? Triple pause again "HUH?"
Now clearly, if you have the talent of deductive reasoning, you can figure out the problem here.
My response was simple "I was born black, have been black all my life, and will continue to be black for as long as I live so deal with it!"
He got even angrier and began to flip out in his own little head and his own little world. The other students were aghast. I was rather calm and even that is something to think about. Why was I so calm? It's because this isn't the worst thing I've been called and it's because moments like these are what Ralph Ellison and Toni Morrison and Marcus Garvey have been preparing me for all my life. I was ready for that. What I wasn't ready for was what followed.
"I'm getting out of here! I'm not staying here!" and he stormed out in ire.
Now some minor details took place in between and editorial power gives me the right to write around them but his behavior left me wondering what the hell I would possibly do if that seemingly unstable individual should ever storm back into the room with the intent to do harm. What would I do? The students began to comment with disgust and fear at his behavior. They were surprised at how calmly I handled the situation. The expressed fear and as a seasoned educator, I have wolfwoman syndrome and felt the need to protect my flock. So on I went to detail the event to my department chair.

Herein lies the problem. Those with whom I work are very sensitive individuals. They are liberals who all informed me that they "voted for Barack". They are the ones who pat me on the shoulder on November 5: "Congratulations! How do you feel? Did you ever think this would happen?"...yes, THOSE liberal folks are my coworkers. You know, the ones who talk about Barack Obama in the office really loudly, very close to my cubicle, so that I know they're "down" with the Obamalution. So I stopped to consider every word that I put on paper. I paused to consider every person that may/may not see what I wrote. I had to think of ways to sound as objective as possible, while showing concern for the student (this, afterall, is my job). But reality hit just as I was about to hit "send." There is no person of color in any power position that will have anything to do with this issue. So what am I really expecting them to do? I kept HOPE alive (afterall, they all seem to love that word these days). I hit send and waited. I read, and re-read the email to ensure that I had used words that conveyed enough urgency and disgust for the matter to be treated with urgency.

I will fast forward to why I'm troubled. I walked into class today, and this kid was sitting in the front of my room, waiting on me to enter.
"I'm sorry for what happened," he yelled, as I walked through the door.
And without responding, I paused to imagine that I were a petite white woman and that he were a black man (of any shade, height, and build) and I imagined what would have happened had he then exploded the way he did in my last class. HE WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN THERE! SO WHY THE HELL IS HE HERE? WHY? Really? WHY! I stood for 50 minutes before a class wondering just that. HOW is it possible that nobody considered that he was a danger to me and to his fellow classmates because he exploded and has demonstrated signs of instability. Why the lack of concern? If he were black and had hurled any insult at his innocent white professor who was simply trying to do her job, he'd be gone 15 mins before he even THOUGHT of exploding. Somehow, the white protectors would've been there to rescue the princess from the potential attack of a rabid human being who speaks in loud tones. SO WHY WAS THIS KID STILL SITTING IN FRONT OF ME and WHY wasn't there anyone from the administratio present to ensure that there would be no incidents? Is it because I'm too professional to tell him a few choice words or to insist that he realize his inferiority to me, the power player in the lecture room, who could make or break his immediate future? Should I have stormed out of my class bursting in tears, crying like a damsel in distress who was traumatized by the big bad bear? I don't get it. Where did I go wrong? WHY WAS HE THERE after clearly violating the college's code of conduct and after all necessary parties were notified?

Needless to say, he was a distraction to his fellow classmates for the entire session and I had to question those in charge after class was over. Now, the disciplinarians are still asking me to answer more questions about whether I deem him a threat EVEN AFTER at least 4 detailed reports being sent from me to them regarding this case. EVEN AFTER they have asked me what I would like to see happen to this kid and I said GET HIM OUT OF MY CLASS. They still want to know HOW dangerous I think he is. So, what I'm wondering is if he's only mildly dangerous, does this mean he stays? I don't get it!

Simply put, had the race cards been reversed and the situtation the same, that young man would have had a paper trail so long following his ass out of the college FOR GOOD, that he wouldn't even want to step on campus to enjoy the free ice-skating or to use the library. In fact, they might find some restraining order that would hold him at least one town away from the entrance of the college. THIS, my people, is the post-racial U.S.A, where our President rocks a fade and his wife gets a touch-up every 6 weeks. THIS is what happens when whitey attacks blackie and the power players look more like the attacker than the victim. $.02

She strikes again

2008-10-22T16:58:00.003-05:00

So on Friday I attended a colloquium on transitioning from being a doctoral student into the work world. I learned quite a few bits of information, the most important of which was where to search for jobs in higher education. I posed several questions relating to age and race but the one which seemed to hit home for my very racist professor of whom I spoke before (see first entry) was my inquiry about searching for jobs as a young person. Her response was "oh you should be searching the Chronicles of Higher Education and that other one that they have out there...what's it called? Oh yeah they used to call it the Black Chronicle but now I don't know the name but I'll forward it to you and you can find information on how to apply to HBCUs like Howard and such" Now there were two things to consider there. First, I hadn't ever mentioned, in my 3 years here, that I was remotely interested in applying to Black schools. In fact, had she ever listened to me, she would've known that I'm more interested in going on the international market than working at any U.S. school.

I mean, what does one say to something like that? This is reminiscent of so many unsavory things she's said to me over the past 3 years. Prior to this incident, I told her I had been volunteering at a golf tournament. I was giving some commentary on the nature of the tournament and how I found it deplorable that ANYONE would have time to play golf from 9am-5pm on a work day when their subordinates are busy slaving away at work to send their children to an affordable liberal arts school. My statement was made to point out the inequity in American society, where the rich exploits the poor and plays golf without reservation or concern for the little man. Her response? "Well it's kind of a great thing if you think about it. Years ago those guys who you saw playing today would've probably never been able to stand on the golf course except to work as caddies or to fetch water and balls for their bosses." I asked her to clarify and she said "well weren't there Black All-Stars playing?" I mentioned that the majority of individuals on my side of the course were white but there were some Black men playing. Now this struck me again as something strange...I hadn't mentioned a word about black men playing or anything related to black people and here she was, racializing the incident. Granted, the event is named after a Black baseball all-star but really, why must it be about race every time she opens her mouth? And it's always something ignorant!

Then there was the ignorant classmate yesterday who wanted to talk as an expert on reproduction theory in schools. She talked about minorities having similar experiences as working class children. So I couldn't resist the urge to ask for clarification on the difference between minorities and working class children. She had assumed that once she didn't use any other clarifying statement, that everyone assumed that those working class children to whom she referred were "naturally" WHITE. So she stumbled and gagged and all but threw up at my demands that she clarifies and defines what "minority" refers to in that context she was using. The professor intervened to "put us back on task"...You see, a discussion that puts a White woman on the spot for using prejudiced terms is not accepted in my program.

This all led me to think today about the possibility of Barack Obama being President and what it means to white people in the U.S. I've grown so weary of hearing white people qualify their "tolerance" by the fact that they're voting for Obama. I cannot tell you how many times white people have asked me what I think about Obama (as if their telling me that they're voting for him will make me see them as less inherently RACIST). I often say something egregious about Obama, just to watch their faces. So let's hypothetically say that Barack Obdama were hmm, Rashid Jackson with the same qualifications but raised by a Black grandmother in Harlem or Atlanta. Would White America be so gungho Democrat if Rashid were running against John McCain? I do wonder if it's really the politics of Obama that they like or it's the fact that he makes them comfortable that he's kind of black but kind of white and kind of "safe"? I don't know, these are just a few of the things that have been in my thoughts over the past few days.$.02

In a hotel lobby in Accra

2008-08-13T17:07:00.004-05:00

So on my recent journey to Ghana, I visited La Palm Royal hotel (hands down, the worst managed hotel I've visited) and as I was only there for one night, I decided to spend some time in the lobby of our bungalow just taking in the experience I had had over the previous 3 days and also to enjoy the fresh Ghanaian air. Then along came a spider....And here's my reaction to his major faux paux

Why is it that if you see me, a Black woman, sitting around in the lobby of a 5-star hotel in Ghana, you automatically assume that I work here?

This white devil, anglofied racist beast looked me in the face and dared to insult my intelligence with his Napoleon-syndrome-having pompous attitude...'Do you work here?" "No, do you?" "No" " so why would I work here?" "I dunno, I'm just asking".

And then reality set in! Is it really that no matter how far I go in life; no matter my level of education or status, earnings, grother, savings potential, no matter what, I will still be a negro woman who will forever be mistaken for a Ghanaian hotel worker who without her uniform is simply an off-duty hotel maid?

Well, I'll be damned if I allow the world to define Black identity as something less-than or unequal to power, prestige, persistence, perseverance, pride, and potential. I am not your Jemima! I am not giving your seedlings my soul to suck on for what feels like eternity and I refuse to let my children feel inferior or be made to feel inferior because they choose to embrace their identity. I refuse to be marginalized, exoticized, demonized, and criticized by your standards that reduce my resilient sisters to nothin gmore than a colonizer's concubine who cleans the slop from the tables of men who sold their souls for coffee and sugar cane! $.02

What About Our Children?

2008-06-27T14:02:00.002-05:00

I wrote this essay in 2002 so it is a bit dated but it's still relevant today.

Living in the City--- What about our youth?

When was the last time you visited Crown Heights or any of the once predominantly black communities of New York City? Have you seen our new neighbors? Maybe you’re wondering what happened to the old ones. What happened to those happy little girls who played double-dutch on the street and the little boys who always opened the fire hydrant on a hot summer day? What about the old man with the pipe who sat puffing tobacco all day on the stoop with his buddies, or the women who used to bring their lawn chairs out in front of the building to deliberate over the latest news in the community? Who are these strange people taking over Harlem and Crown Heights and Bedford Stuyvesant? Last time I checked, white folks didn’t go past Eastern Parkway/Brooklyn Museum on the Brooklyn bound #1 and #2 trains or 96th street on the Manhattan side. Now why have they decided to sit all the way to the end of the train line?

We wonder why our youth are so angry and so defensive nowadays. We wonder why their faces are so grim and why they all seem to have attitudes. Some blame it on the rap lyrics, but that’s for the ignorant, uninformed bunch, who write books and novels that define a race they have no part in. Our youth are angry because they are tired of fighting. They fight for territory, they fight to eat, and they fight for mental and physical survival. Look at the environment in which we are living. Some of our youths have never inhaled a breath of fresh country air. But who will take them to the great outdoors if we are all stuck in our offices in our sophisticated suits? Why is it that our inner city schools have no technology when you, my friend, sit and mingle with IBM and Microsoft all day long surfing the internet that schools are too poor to offer to our own children. There’s a wealth of information out there and they can’t get it, simply because they’re poor. Yet we live in the city with one of the greatest skylines of all time, boasting the statue of liberty as its backdrop. Our city is one of the most segregated in the country we just don’t acknowledge it. If you ride the subways long enough, I’m sure you’ll see segregation at its worst. At least in the south you know they don’t like us, and vice versa. Here, they are in power and they suppress us, subtly. A professor of mine once posed the question “why would the colonizer educate the children of the colonized the same way he does his own children?” I ask of you, what are you doing to educate our children?

We think that children don’t notice when things happen around them. “Why isn’t so and so living next door anymore?” “Why can’t I go to such and such a school like those other kids?” These are their thoughts, but who gets to hear them when everyone is so busy trying to earn enough for a condo or a new Range Rover? Where are those young Black men and women who have climbed out of these communities into institutions of higher learning? What have they come back to do? We criticize white America for taking over our homes and our culture, yet we as young educated adults, sit back and allow them to do so. What have you done for a teenager in your community lately? When did you take time out to speak to one of the young men or women on the corner? Do you judge them as you walked by, or do you stop to change a life by inspiring them with some positive words? You went to college, got a fly degree, but what have you done to change the future of our race? How are you helping?

I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and tired of hearing Martin Luther King’s name every Black History Month. Dr. King didn’t dream that one day our youth would outnumber white boys in jail. Dr. King didn’t dream that one day we would educate ourselves and leave the future to perish because we’re too busy making a dime. Dr. King didn’t dream that Black girls would be getting pregnant at age 13 with no baby fathers. That wasn’t Dr. King’s dream. We pass our children on the streets everyday on our way to work in the white man’s world. Again, I ask you, what have you done for a child lately? Our children are fighting daily for survival in a world that doesn’t belong to them. “That rap music is poisonous to the mind,” they say, but what other role models are we giving our children? How easy it is for little boys all across America to wear bandaids on their faces because Nelly is wearing them, or to sport Jerseys all summer long because it’s that rehab they call ‘Fabolous’ style. How about the good old Alicia Keys braids that guys and girls are rocking nowadays. Why has everything become such an easy trend to follow? They have nothing else to look at. They have teachers who couldn’t care less about their education, people moving into their communities and causing them to become displaced, and a society of educated young Black adults who don’t give a damn about them. What, I ask you, is the future of our children, and when will you stop in the midst of the hustle and bustle of the city to hear what stories they have to tell? In the words of the great Mahatma Ghandi, “the future depends on what we do in the present.” $.02

The Biggest Taboo

2008-06-18T16:49:00.004-05:00

The Biggest Taboo: Absentee Mothers

There is a new epidemic facing our community. No one sees this
epidemic, no one talks about this epidemic, and nobody seems to want
a cure for this epidemic. There is an unfair stigma that latches
itself to Black fathers and I'm about to help you put a stop to it.
There is a new generation of mothers who are walking away from their
responsibilities, leaving young fathers to tend, mend, and defend
their children alone, and for this, men have gotten no credit.

Mama! Mama! Where are you, Mama? What the hell is up with women walking out
on their kids nowadays? I see you over there reading this all
perturbed because you think I made a typo and should've said "Daddy"
where I said Mama but I guess you, like half of the population, have
not gotten the memo either. Mothers, yes, MOTHERS are walking out on
their kids nowadays, leaving fathers all by themselves. Yeah, I know
some of you are saying "good, it's about time" but what's up with
that? I mean, really, why is it that 15% of the 11 million single
family households are headed by single fathers? I know that a good
number of that percentage are those men who have lost their wives or
partners to death's sting. I'm not talking about those. I'm talking
about the new epidemic: Dead Beat Mothers. You know the type. The
ones who get with a man, fall in love, think he's everything to her
so she puts on this front to get the ring. She gets the ring, she
stops doing her thing, and he picks up the slack where she falls
short. Things are going well, they're happy as hell, then comes the
bad news: she's pregnant before she can get what she thinks she
really wants out of life. Then he's no good anymore. Then all of a
sudden chaos reigns. Then she makes his life a living hell and when
the baby comes she says "the bastard is yours" and walks the hell
out. You think I'm joking? You think this is a farce? Well pause for
a moment while I give you a dose of reality.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are an estimated 2.3
billion single fathers in the United States of America today. Gone
are the days when men who raised children alone were widowers. Today,
only 5% of single fathers are widowers, 42% of which have been
divorced, while 38% have never been married. So where the hell are
the mothers? Why have mothers decided to walk out cold on their sons
and daughters, leaving little or no support for the fathers who are
left in this situation? Then let's talk about the justice system that
is more willing to give the children to their dead beat mothers than
to a hard-working man who wants to do what's right by his child?
I've seen it over and over again; women having children just
to "please" their men then as soon as something goes wrong, they
bail, forgetting the importance of their roles in the lives of their
young soldiers. What is up with that?

Then let me not fail to attack those who dump their children on the
grandmothers of today. I know ya'll saw that pathetic episode of 60
minutes where those poor grandmothers were raising the children of
their irresponsible children while their backs and knees buckled for
lack of relaxation in their old age. Why has parenting become a
burden that everyone wants someone else to bear? But I digress so let
me refocus.

Women, our role is to uphold, instill, teach, nurture, and educate
our children. So what is this new trend proving? I know fathers have
been doing it for years, leaving mothers to tend to the future but
what is the future if there are no mothers? Don't get me wrong, this
article is meant to commend and support and congratulate those young
men who have declared that they won't be another statistic. I commend
you and I respect you for taking on the responsibility for which
society gives you no credit. But I also have to call out women who
walk away and forget that they have a huge role to play in the lives
of their sons and daughters. Ideally, a family is supposed to consist
of mother, father, and child. That idealism has died since the
beginning of the last century but is it necessary that we continue to
build negative trends and ideas for future generations?

Absentee mothers leave their children feeling unloved and uncared
for. A mother's touch, kiss, embrace are essential elements in a
growing child's life. Think about it…when you cried, your mother was
more likely to comfort you than your father. Who knew better how to
solve some of life's hardest problems than your mother? While your
father was busy providing, wasn't it your mother that you were able
to sit and converse with about the silly little things you did at
school? And when you needed to write something, wasn't it your mother
that held your hand to form those letters? So why have mothers
decided to walk away from the glorious task of raising better men and
women for tomorrow? A father's heart is warm but a mother's chest is
soft and soothing for a crying baby. So why have mothers begun to
turn away and who will pick up the slack for them?

Maybe you're one of those women that snubs men who have children even
before you know the situation. We all have done it because we have
no time for the "baby mama drama". I was one too until I sat and
reflected on my own ignorance. It was not until I heard the cry of a
baby boy whose father picked him up and hushed him with the soothing
sound of a song, that I realized how stupid I was for not
acknowledging and applauding young men with children. It is not
often that you hear fathers standing up and doing what's right by
their children. Fathers, even mine, have often been dead beats and
missing and don't get me wrong those fathers get no love or credit.
But who rides for the fathers who have stepped up to the plate when
the mothers have walked away from the most beautiful gift life can
offer?

Women, let's celebrate and support those men who have the task of
raising their children all alone. Dating them doesn't mean you
automatically become a mother; however, it makes you a mentor that
this child can lean on or look up to as a mother-figure. Remember, a
mother is not necessarily one whose womb has been occupied. If we
don't support them, then the trend will worsen. Walking away from a
man because he has a child is as bad as walking away from your own
child. Remember the old axiom, "it takes a village to raise a
child"? Well, what role are you playing in the village?

If we must stop the trend of children growing up with low self-esteem
and no values then we must join in and support the single fathers
that we know by encouraging them to continue to do their best to be
the best "daddy" in the world. We must also teach and encourage
mothers to stick by their children as we build a better future in our
communities. Children with strict, caring mothers grow up with
values and standards. Boys who are raised by good mothers grow up to
respect women as they would their own mothers. Girls with good
mothers grow up to be strong women who respect themselves and
others. The foundation of the future is melting away. Mothers are
going astray, leaving others to raise their children. If the trend
doesn't stop here, there will be no future and the vicious cycle will
continue like a plague throughout our community.
For those who are interested, here are some resources that help to
support single fathers:
National Center for Fathering http://www.fathers.com
Parents Place.com Fathering Reading Room
http://www.parentsplace.com/readroom/
Fathering Magazine http://www.fathermag.com
Single & Custodial Father's Network http://single-fathers.org/
The Single Fathers Lighthouse
http://www.av.qnet.com/~rlewis3/index.html
Eggebeen, D, Snyder, A, & Manning, W. (1996). Children in single
father families in demographic perspective. Journal of Family Issues,
17(4), 441-465.
Greif, G. (1995). Single fathers with custody following separation
and divorce. Marriage & Family Review, 20, 213-231.
Parke, R., (1996). Fatherhood. Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University
Press.
http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/cb96-195.html
http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/cb96-200.html

Statistics and resources provided by
The Population Resource Center,
http://www.prcdc.org/holiday/fathersday.html
http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/06/18/single.dads/
The Ohio State University Extension FactSheet:
http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/5310.html

$.02

Motivation

2008-06-06T15:13:00.000-05:00

Einstein marveled in the mysteries that others found mundane. -- Isaacson

Einstein loved and encouraged individuality. He found the most pleasure in thinking differently. We should never reduce what we know or want to know to all others want us to know. If we do so, we lock ourselves away in a box for which nobody has a key! We are everything our minds allow us to be and more. Our minds guide us to reason about the unreasonable and marvel in the mundane, as Einstein did. So when people doubt us, we should take it as a compliment about our willingness to appreciate the things they cannot see. I am, you are, we are the developers of the mundane impossibilities of life

Post from Tim Wise on Anderson Cooper's blog

2008-04-30T00:02:00.001-05:00

Race in the Race for the Presidency: How Media Pundits Gloss Over Race and Feed Racism
Posted: 02:13 PM ET

Tim Wise
Friend of the Rev. Jeremiah Wright
Author of ‘White Like Me: Reflections on Race From a Privileged Son’
www.timwise.org

Much has been said about the role that racism may play in the outcome of the 2008 Presidential election.

But what has been largely ignored is the way that media pundits, by virtue of the language they use, the questions they ask, and the way they frame issues, often reinforce racial division, and make it harder for us to examine race issues honestly.

So consider the way the media has been pushing the question, “Can Obama win working class voters?” Or, “Why is Obama having trouble connecting with working class voters?” Both questions ignore that Obama doesn’t have a working class problem—large percentages of the black folks who are turning out to support him at rates of 90% are indeed working class—but rather, a white working class problem.

By implicitly equating “working class” with white, the media reinforces the notion of “hard-working,” average (i.e. normal) folks as white. This then leaves blacks to be viewed either as the decidedly non-working and dreaded “underclass,” or the elitist types that Hillary Clinton wants people to envision when they think of Senator Obama. Either of these images can reinforce racism, either by stoking white fear of the former or resentment toward the latter.

Or consider the way the media has responded to the Jeremiah Wright controversy.
Although much attention has been paid to black anger in the wake of Rev. Wright’s largely-taken-out-of-context comments, and although some have tried to explain the place of such righteous indignation within the black church and community, the framing of the issue has reinforced the white perspective as normal, and thus, valid. So we are asked to wonder, “Why are some black people so angry?” rather than, “Why are some white people so complacent?” about racial injustice.

White complacency is seen as normal, while black anger is taken as the pathology to be understood, ultimately making them the problem. Their perspectives are the ones that are strange and in need of explanation, but ours (if we’re white) are perfectly fine and need not be explained or defended to anyone. Such a normalizing of the white perspective only makes it more likely that whites will be hostile to those who think and view the world differently.

Of course, it’s not only this election where the media has normalized whiteness, or made it altogether invisible, so that its consequences can’t even be seen, let alone understood.

Consider the 2004 Presidential race, after which most every talking head noted that President Bush had won the “evangelical vote,” and claimed that the nation was divided between “blue states” and “red states.”

In the first instance, commentators failed to notice that the President most certainly did not win the black evangelical vote, but only the white evangelical vote. Black evangelicals voted against him by at least four to one. Saying that “evangelicals” supported the President, as the media did, marginalized Christians of color, whose sense of religious duty compelled them to vote differently from their white brothers and sisters. Why? Who knows? No one thought to ask.

As for blue states and red states, the notion of a geographic divide in this country is largely mythical. Most whites in the blue states—including New York, California, Illinois, Michigan and Maryland—either voted for Bush, or split 50-50 between Bush and Kerry. Meanwhile, in the red states, people of color voted overwhelmingly against the President. In other words, the real divide was racial, not regional.

By ignoring this truth, the media ducked the hard questions about why whites and folks of color often view our country so differently, and come to such different conclusions about what would be best for the nation politically.

But it is this kind of question we need to confront in order to have a truly productive conversation about race in America. That our respective racial identities often shape the way we view our national past, present and desired future—and therefore, often cause tension because we can’t fathom where “the other guy” is coming from—is the truth that won’t go away.

Only if media helps to uncover that reality, and encourage a real discussion about what it means, for all of us, will we likely make progress on the road to racial equity.

Response to Tim Wise's post on 360 blog

2008-04-30T00:01:00.004-05:00

I have had enough of Dr. Wright. Let me explain. I believe that everything that he has said is ABSOLUTELY true. Walk in the shoes of any black man in America today and you will feel the sting of racism all over your body. It is no mistake that there is a rise in sensationalism over the words spoken by Dr. Wright right when Obama is gaining momentum in what will be an historic event in American history. At the same time, New Yorkers are up in arms over the unjust murder of yet another Black man, shot 51 times by the police. I feel a bit of Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man coming out here. You see, these events are all connected to America's refusal to face the insidiousness of the racial divide. In the midst of the struggle to validate the seemingly invisible body of Black American men, Barack Obama is made to denounce (angrily) his (angry) pastor of 20 years. He is made to denounce all things "too black" about him in order to obtain the vote of Americans. i.e. He needs to lie in order to win. If he has to deny the very thing that has shaped his life, what is it worth? This entire situation has been so painful for me to watch. Obama wants to bring about change but how can he successfully do so when America is blind to change, to justice, and to her own faults? America is not a spotless lamb. America has issues just like any other country and it is time that we face those issues, publicly, and seek ways of reconciliation. Until the philosophy that holds one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned, That until there are no longer first class and second class citizens of any nation until the colour of a man's skin is of no more significance than the colour of his eyes(Haile Selassie), then we will have division, separation, and the whole "YES WE CAN" will never make sense to people in America. It is time to wake up and smell the coffee--dark coffee, that is--our dark past is haunting us and history certainly repeats itself in so many ways. A black man is running for office and has to denounce AND reject everything black about him...There is something absolutely wrong with this picture. Thank you, Tim Wise and others for weighing in, honestly, on this subject. Let's face it, racism exists and it's not going anywhere until we all become honest with ourselves and each other.

Sean Bell case--a letter from Al-Lateef D. Farmer

2008-04-29T01:06:00.004-05:00

“Only in Cali/Where we riot, not rally…”
2Pac
I write this with the heaviest heart ever. I write this knowing that my human value as a Black Man means nothing in the eyes of the law, the government and the media. I write this with my veins full of anger and outrage that a judge can rule that there was no wrongdoing in a case where police officers Pigs kill a Black Man who was unarmed. I write this in a ball of confusion knowing that eyewitness testimony is hollow if the witness has had previous convictions. I write this perplexed at that blind bitch justice, who obviously is peeking through her blindfold. I write this dumbfounded that 50 shots at any target can be justified in anyone’s eyes.
The three police officers Pigs who killed Sean Bell after his bachelor party and hours before his wedding were just acquitted of the manslaughter, assault and reckless endangerment charges they faced. Nicole Paultre Bell left the courtroom as the verdict was being read, saying “I’ve got to get out of here,” as she left. People scrambled in and outside of the courtroom, scuffled outside, the media stoked the burning anger and people everywhere had to hang their heads as justice again prevailed against a person of color.
A strange irony in my receiving this news is that I was notified of the verdict while attending a conference aimed at giving young, Black Men employable skills and providing them with the tools to navigate this world. I was next to Baruti Kafele when he received a text message and looked over to me and said that cops were acquitted. I quickly went to CNN.com on my cell phone and confirmed the news; we looked at each other, nodded and shrugged. That kind of defeated shrug that says, “They did it again.”
My eyes swelled with tears as I thought that we are still three-fifths of a man by de facto law. I hurt for the unwed bride who changed her name days after her love’s death, who will go to bed tonight with the pain so fresh in her heart. I wanted to weep for their two children who will never see their father again and how it will be years before they understand what happened today. I’m still trying to wrap my head around how one person can fire 31 shots at a target whose only crime to that point had been trying to escape the guys who may or may not have identified themselves as cops. That means he emptied his clip, reloaded and then nearly emptied it again! I was shocked and dismayed that Al Sharpton called for calm at a time when there needs to be an uprising.
All of these emotions ran through my body as I listened to a group of young men aged 11-14 sing a South African song with the lyrics, “…please remember me”. I wiped a few tears away as I realized that these youngsters with God’s gift of an angelic voice will one day be subjected to police Pigs saying they fit the description, plunging their rectal cavity, firing 41 shots as they retrieve their wallet or 50 shots as they attempt to drive in fear.
I am in no way an advocate of violence…yet rebellion in the face of injustice; I will ride and die with. The boiling over of years of frustration and anger of those on the lower rung of society needs to manifest itself in a cataclysmic demonstration that cannot be denied. The revolution must be televised! And podcasted, e-mailed, covered by the major newspapers and on your FM dial!
The fire this time should burn in Queens, Harlem, Brooklyn, on Long Island and Staten Island! The fire this time should burn in Newark, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Memphis, Houston, Trenton, Miami, Atlanta, Washington D.C., Plainfield, Chicago, Denver, Houston, Oakland, New Orleans, Houston, Richmond, Baltimore, Charlotte, Birmingham, Little Rock, Cleveland, Milwaukee, Newport News, St. Louis, and Cincinnati. Hell, the fire this time should burn in Manhattan! It should burn where they shop, where they work, where the money is made, where the laws are passed!
The fire this time should burn in your favorite rapper! The fire this time should burn in actors, athletes, and singers! The fire this time should burn on college campuses! The fire this time should burn in Presidential hopefuls! The fire this time should burn in your church! The fire this time should burn on the front page of your favorite newspaper! The fire this time should burn in Spike Lee, Chuck D. and Danny Glover! The fire this time should burn in H. Rap Brown, Geronimo Pratt, Bobby Seale and Angela Davis! The fire this time should burn in you, because it damn sure burns in me!
---Al-Lateef D. Farmer

Politics and Education

2008-04-09T17:10:00.005-05:00

I submitted the following piece to a newsletter that is supposed to be a sounding board for members of the community of scholars to which I have been assigned. Upon review, however, the Dean of the graduate school rejected the newsletter and also requested that the whole focus of the newsletter be revamped. I wasn't the only victim but her actions proved my equation to be absolutely correct.

G=P+k where P=.75 and k=.25

The equation is complicated, yet quite simple. If the marketing tools for graduate school promoted the equation, however, less people (I presume) would come. Or at least those who come would be more prepared for the truth about the graduate experience.

Graduate school! Nobody gets there without some degree of resilience, determination, and high scholastic achievement. Therefore, one would assume that graduate school—for those who choose to accept the mission—is manageable. Graduate school is the place where scholars can share ideas, debate topics of interest, and validate their theories/hypotheses. Therefore, as far as we are concerned when entering, G=K, where K=100%. Why then, is it that so many of my colleagues have faced such adversity and borderline depression when it comes to their fields of study? We have the equation to blame.

Graduate school, somehow, is the place where the most brilliant people play the most defensive roles. One’s work is constantly questioned. Your main task, while here, is to prove yourself. There is coursework for which you have to be on the defensive by showing that you have read, digested, understood, and can articulate material that you have probably seen many times before (and which probably has very little to do with your own research). Then there are comprehensive exams, where you have to defend your competence (with the material you have spent two years laboring over) to a few professors and hope that they are kind enough to allow you the honor of being called a “candidate”, rather than just a “student”. Further up the chain, you have to spend years laboring over data and other information and then pray hard that a committee of four agrees that it is safe for you to be granted the three beautiful letters of their co-ed fraternity.

We’ve all experienced meltdowns of some kind, where someone who doesn’t quite understand our experiences as mothers, fathers, children of ailing parents, aunts, uncles, immigrants, underrepresented groups of people, human beings with problems, seems to judge us unfairly. It is at that point that we all question our purpose for giving up a life of freedom to commit to the academy. It is at that point that we reconsider why we have elected to study in a town that is the “seventh cloudiest city in the United States with cold, snowy winters and warmer, wet summers.” Binghamton is not exactly the most felicitous place for young, underrepresented academics. Dubois’ double consciousness is always in full effect as we navigate the equation that is the antithesis of every true bookworm’s existence: We are used to having our work speak for itself. We have gotten this far by way of our academic achievement, not merely by who we know.

So how do we keep smiling and stay above water when professors question our abilities, when colleagues do not respect our perspectives and just label us as “other”, when people dismiss our contributions to the academy as “radical” or fail us for presenting ideas that challenge the status quo? How do we maintain healthy relationships with spouses and family in the face of such adversity and continue to focus on working ten times as hard to get five times as far as our counterparts? How do we truly get through this graduate experience? Well, a friend of mine recently met with her advisor to discuss why she had received low grades on a particular part of her comprehensive exam. His response was simple: He gave her the equation. This woman of incredible intellectual ability, who works on average, twelve hours per day on her academics was told that she needed to “make nice” with the faculty. “You don’t smile with them enough,” he said, “so they don’t know you.”

So, based on what I have deduced from this experience thus far, I realize that we come in with the expression in mind: G=k, where k=100%. However, after the first year or two, we come to the realization that g≠k but rather G-P=k. Graduate school is not a test of all you know. In fact, your knowledge is trumped by your ability to network with a few individuals with whom the power to determine your future lies. The graduate school experience at Binghamton, for some of us, indicates that knowledge is significant but more critical is one’s understanding of how to navigate “P” in order to earn Superdelegate votes into the co-ed fraternity. However, make no mistake about it; this kind of “P” is far from democratic.

Fear

2008-01-08T19:14:00.001-05:00

Fear is a mind killer—Henry Ford

What are you so afraid of? What scares you more than a dark alley on a tranquil night, where black cats and mice roam? What scares you more than death staring you in the face? Life, that’s what!

Life scares you because you have to be strong every day that you live. You have to constantly figure out new ways to maneuver this place called earth, this thing called life.

We fear our own existence because people expect things of us; we expect things of ourselves that we aren’t sure we can truly accomplish.

So what are the consequences of this fear? We fight back at life!

We fight the people who love us, by telling them that they will never love us enough. We fight against those that don’t love us, by proving to them that we never needed them in the first place. We fight the nay-sayers, the haters, and the oppressors, showing them that schadenfreude is only an ungranted wish.

And then we fight our worst adversary: Our conscience.

That’s the fight that is the most intense, most heart-wrenching, and most painful. We fight our minds for telling us when to give up, when to start; for telling us that we can do something when physical willpower says “no”.

We fight ourselves when goals are not quite accomplished the way we expect them to be. We fight ourselves when we look into the mirror and realize that the innocence of childhood has been replaced.

We then wage a war between self and inner-self, the deadliest of battles known to man.

And when we’ve managed to annihilate our own selves, we get up, pinch ourselves, and then realize that we are still alive and that the battle of life is just a vicious cycle that we must be courageous enough to face, as long as heartbeats race and blood flows, because the only victory sweeter than beating our enemies, is that of self-realization.

No Child Left Behind--Lamont Carey

2007-10-22T01:03:00.001-05:00

WHEN THE BULLETS FLY IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION

2007-09-19T11:09:00.001-05:00

http://www.philly.com/inquirer/local/nj/20070918_Willingboro_school_locked_down_after_gunfire.html
So why wasn't this on CNN? Why didn't the country freeze at the sound of this incident? I mean, we all know that Kanye West wasn't lying when he stunned the nation a few years ago on television when he said "George Bush does not care about Black people." But it's not just the President. 200+ kids would have lost their lives in an elementary school and nobody is fired up about it. All these innocent LITTLE children would have lost their opportunity to succeed and nobody is reporting it. The fact that school was open the next day is further heightens my level of anger and disdain at the Willingboro schools system. Surely, they can't assume that these children are used to the sound of gunshots and don't value their own lives. Had this happened in the white burbs then the children would have a week of on-going trauma therapy and myriad procedural safety drills. But it's as if they're assuming that black kids are immune to trauma. Imagine how they feel about going to school and hearing gunshots? Surely, some of them MUST be scared out of their wits. But nobody cares...If a tree falls in the woods kinda thing u know? Yeah well that's my two cents for today.

Blacks given the Emmitt Till treatment in 2007...

2007-09-12T11:19:00.001-05:00

http://news.aol.com/story/nc/_a/details-emerge-in-horrific-torture-case/20070911152309990001

Racism is becoming more and more rampant in the United States. We cannot pretend that it no longer exists. We must fight against injustice and stand up for human rights. The Jena 6 case isn't unique. There are many such cases which are not publicized. We cannot allow history to repeat itself.

Globalization in Jamaica

2007-09-08T22:37:00.000-05:00

America sneezes, Jamaica catches a cold. Sad.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5277094596195828118

With a new purpose

2007-08-29T00:07:00.000-05:00

This is the beginning, the dawn of a new year. I have a new outlook. Those who have tried will no longer win, those who haven't will have no opportunity to do so. This is the beginning of the end of the dawning of a new day. 2nd year...if I made it through the first, I can make it through this. I will sell my soul for this dreaded sheet of paper that validates my words and makes me relevant to academia. That's the nature of this beast that is controlled by the beasts that refuse to see me and you for who we are. Cheers to a new dawning

Supreme Court revists Integration in Schools

2007-06-30T18:31:00.002-05:00

http://www.naacpldf.org/VOLINT/add_docs/volint_home.html

Check out the opinions that each judge expresses, particularly Justice Roberts, George Bush's last appointed judge. Racism is real and so are segregated schools.

To fulfill your life-purpose you've got to answer

2007-06-23T20:02:00.000-05:00

Visions that can change the world trapped inside an ordinary girl
She looks just like me too afraid to dream out loud
And though it’s simple your idea, it won’t make sense to everybody
You need courage now If you're gonna persevere

To fulfill divine purpose, you gotta answer when you're called
So don't be afraid to face the world against all odds

CHORUS
Keep the dream alive don't let it die
If something deep inside keeps inspiring you to try, don't stop
And never give up, don't ever give up on you
Don't give up

Every victory comes in time, work today to change tomorrow
It gets easier, who’s to say that you can’t fly
Every step you take you get, closer to your destination
You can feel it now, don’t you know you're almost there?

To fulfill divine purpose, you gotta answer when you're called
So don't be afraid to face the world against all odds

Keep the dream alive don't let it die
If something deep inside keeps inspiring you to try, don't stop
And never give up, don't ever give up on you

Sometimes life can place a stumbling block in your way
But you're gotta keep the faith, bring what's deep inside your heart
to the light
And never give up Don't ever give up on you

Who holds the pieces to complete the puzzle?
The answer that can solve a mystery
The key that can unlock your understanding
It's all inside of you, you have everything you need yeahhhh

So, keep the dream alive don't let it die
If something deep inside, keeps inspiring you to try don't stop
And never give up, don't ever give up on you

Sometimes life can place a stumbling block in your way
But you're gotta keep the faith, bring what's deep inside your heart yeah your
heart to the light
And never give up Don't ever give up on you

* I think this is what George Bush was thinking when he invaded Iraq. He CLEARLY misunderstood the song. IF you think about it, each line does somewhat sound like what he says. Only, Yolanda meant this in a positive way. He totally thinks "divine purpose" is to get the whole world to hate us. He clearly doesn't want to "bring what's deep inside" his heart "to the light" though. What about the truth, Mr. President? Who really holds the pieces to complete the puzzle of the war in Iraq? The key that can unlock OUR understanding...? WHERE IS IT?

Co-Dead Language--Saul Williams

2007-06-22T22:38:00.000-05:00

This moves me in inexplicable ways:

Title: Co-dead Language

Whereas, breakbeats have been the missing link connecting the diasporic
community to its drum woven past
Whereas the quantised drum has allowed the whirling mathematicians to
calculate the ever changing distance between rock and stardom.
Whereas the velocity of the spinning vinyl, cross-faded, spun backwards, and
re-released at the same given moment of recorded history , yet at a
different moment in time's continuum has allowed history to catch up with
the present.

We do hereby declare reality unkempt by the changing standards of dialogue.
Statements, such as, "keep it real", especially when punctuating or
anticipating modes of ultra-violence inflicted psychologically or physically
or depicting an unchanging rule of events will hence forth be seen as
retro-active and not representative of the individually determined is.

Furthermore, as determined by the collective consciousness of this state of
being and the lessened distance between thought patterns and their secular
manifestations, the role of men as listening receptacles is to be increased
by a number no less than 70 percent of the current enlisted as vocal
aggressors.

Motherfuckers better realize, now is the time to self-actualize
We have found evidence that hip hop’s standard 85 rpm when increased by a
number as least half the rate of it's standard or decreased at ¾ of it's
speed may be a determining factor in heightening consciousness.

Studies show that when a given norm is changed in the face of the
unchanging, the remaining contradictions will parallel the truth.

Equate rhyme with reason, Sun with season

Our cyclical relationship to phenomenon has encouraged scholars to erase the
centers of periods, thus symbolizing the non-linear character of cause and
effect
Reject mediocrity!

Your current frequencies of understanding outweigh that which as been given
for you to understand.
The current standard is the equivalent of an adolescent restricted to the
diet of an infant.
The rapidly changing body would acquire dysfunctional and deformative
symptoms and could not properly mature on a diet of apple sauce and crushed
pears
Light years are interchangeable with years of living in darkness.
The role of darkness is not to be seen as, or equated with, Ignorance, but
with the unknown, and the mysteries of the unseen.

Thus, in the name of:
ROBESON, GOD'S SON, HURSTON, AHKENATON, HATHSHEPUT, BLACKFOOT, HELEN,
LENNON, KHALO, KALI, THE THREE MARIAS, TARA, LILITHE, LOURDE, WHITMAN,
BALDWIN, GINSBERG, KAUFMAN, LUMUMBA, GHANDI, GIBRAN, SHABAZZ, SIDDHARTHA,
MEDUSA, GUEVARA, GUARDSIEFF, RAND, WRIGHT, BANNEKER, TUBMAN, HAMER, HOLIDAY,
DAVIS, COLTRANE, MORRISON, JOPLIN, DUBOIS, CLARKE, SHAKESPEARE, RACHMNINOV,
ELLINGTON, CARTER, GAYE, HATHAWAY, HENDRIX, KUTL, DICKERSON, RIPPERTON,
MARY, ISIS, THERESA, PLATH, RUMI, FELLINI, MICHAUX, NOSTRADAMUS, NEFERTITI,
LA ROCK, SHIVA, GANESHA, YEMAJA, OSHUN, OBATALA, OGUN, KENNEDY, KING, FOUR
LITTLE GIRLS, HIROSHIMA, NAGASAKI, KELLER, BIKO, PERONE, MARLEY, COSBY,
SHAKUR, THOSE WHO BURN, THOSE STILL AFLAMED, AND THE COUNTLESS UNNAMED

We claim the present as the pre-sent, as the hereafter.
We are unraveling our navels so that we may ingest the sun.
We are not afraid of the darkness, we trust that the moon shall guide us.
We are determining the future at this very moment.
We now know that the heart is the philosophers' stone
Our music is our alchemy
We stand as the manifested equivalent of 3 buckets of water and a hand full
of minerals, thus realizing that those very buckets turned upside down
supply the percussion factor of forever.
If you must count to keep the beat then count.
Find your mantra and awaken your subconscious.
Curve you circles counterclockwise
Use your cipher to decipher, Coded Language, man made laws.
Climb waterfalls and trees, commune with nature, snakes and bees.
Let your children name themselves and claim themselves as the new day for
today we are determined to be the channelers of these changing frequencies
into songs, paintings, writings, dance, drama, photography, carpentry,
crafts, love, and love.
We enlist every instrument: Acoustic, electronic.
Every so-called race, gender, and sexual orientation.
Every per-son as beings of sound to acknowledge their responsibility to
uplift the consciousness of the entire fucking World.
Any utterance will be un-aimed, will be disclaimed, will be named- two rappers slain

* parts of this text might not correspond with the actual performance. The exact words of the original poem is published in Saul Williams' book, The Dead Emcee Scrolls.