This issue has been bugging me all day, along with several other issues but I figured if I write about it, I can channel the energy in the right direction. I'm tired of whiteness...Seriously...I've had enough of white power, white supremacy, white ignorance, white walls, white anything. I'm officially asking white people to give me a day off from the foolishness!
Lately, there has been much talk about race and racism in our 'u'ni'topian' society. From chimps and shots to a nation of cowards, we've somehow begun to see that our society is not all that brave when ti comes to tackling issues of race. I have a feeling that very soon, these discussions will inevitably become so prominent that we will have no choice BUT to address what has been swept under a rug for so long (if you're white, that is). I say if you're white because for black people, race stares us in the face every morning before we leave our homes. Each day, we are reminded of our position in society, whether we're at the top or at the very bottom. Everyday that I stand before a class filled with white students, I remember that I'm black. Every time someone puts my change on the counter, I am reminded that I'm black. In fact, last week a student thought it wasn't enough that I see my beautiful black skin in the mirror every morning before heading to work, so he felt the need to remind me that I'm black. He received a grade that he didn't like on a paper and he retorted with a racial remark. Now, the result of this episode is what led me to write this post after almost 6 months of silence.
Let's recap the episode. I walk into a college classroom, stand at the podium, give my morning greeting and then walk towards the computer to start projecting the day's lesson. I begin the workshop and students are engaged in a discussion about their work. It is then that I realize that I need to return papers to them so they can critique and mend more of their work (this is an English class). I begin to return work and when said student receives his paper, his immediate response is to be on the defensive. Why? He earned a 4% on a quiz. I return his other paper (which he failed to actually revise after I made several suggestions for revision. So I just graded it as a draft, since I have nothing to do with people's ability to follow directions) and then the volcano erupted:
"Why would you give me a D?"
I looked around to make sure I had heard what I thought I heard.
"And why would you write to me in gel pen?"
Again, I wondered who the hell he thought he was talking to. I paused before responding and so happy I am that I paused.
"I know what you gave me a D...It's because you're bbb bbbb bbbbbbbbb"
At this point, I was ready to hear it. I've been called that before, here we go again! I figured, hmm, it's early in the semester but here we go! B____, yes yes, get it out, B____! And then...
"It's because you're BLACK and you think that you're the greatest force on the face of the earth!"
Pause...WHAT? What did he say? Triple pause again "HUH?"
Now clearly, if you have the talent of deductive reasoning, you can figure out the problem here.
My response was simple "I was born black, have been black all my life, and will continue to be black for as long as I live so deal with it!"
He got even angrier and began to flip out in his own little head and his own little world. The other students were aghast. I was rather calm and even that is something to think about. Why was I so calm? It's because this isn't the worst thing I've been called and it's because moments like these are what Ralph Ellison and Toni Morrison and Marcus Garvey have been preparing me for all my life. I was ready for that. What I wasn't ready for was what followed.
"I'm getting out of here! I'm not staying here!" and he stormed out in ire.
Now some minor details took place in between and editorial power gives me the right to write around them but his behavior left me wondering what the hell I would possibly do if that seemingly unstable individual should ever storm back into the room with the intent to do harm. What would I do? The students began to comment with disgust and fear at his behavior. They were surprised at how calmly I handled the situation. The expressed fear and as a seasoned educator, I have wolfwoman syndrome and felt the need to protect my flock. So on I went to detail the event to my department chair.
Herein lies the problem. Those with whom I work are very sensitive individuals. They are liberals who all informed me that they "voted for Barack". They are the ones who pat me on the shoulder on November 5: "Congratulations! How do you feel? Did you ever think this would happen?"...yes, THOSE liberal folks are my coworkers. You know, the ones who talk about Barack Obama in the office really loudly, very close to my cubicle, so that I know they're "down" with the Obamalution. So I stopped to consider every word that I put on paper. I paused to consider every person that may/may not see what I wrote. I had to think of ways to sound as objective as possible, while showing concern for the student (this, afterall, is my job). But reality hit just as I was about to hit "send." There is no person of color in any power position that will have anything to do with this issue. So what am I really expecting them to do? I kept HOPE alive (afterall, they all seem to love that word these days). I hit send and waited. I read, and re-read the email to ensure that I had used words that conveyed enough urgency and disgust for the matter to be treated with urgency.
I will fast forward to why I'm troubled. I walked into class today, and this kid was sitting in the front of my room, waiting on me to enter.
"I'm sorry for what happened," he yelled, as I walked through the door.
And without responding, I paused to imagine that I were a petite white woman and that he were a black man (of any shade, height, and build) and I imagined what would have happened had he then exploded the way he did in my last class. HE WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN THERE! SO WHY THE HELL IS HE HERE? WHY? Really? WHY! I stood for 50 minutes before a class wondering just that. HOW is it possible that nobody considered that he was a danger to me and to his fellow classmates because he exploded and has demonstrated signs of instability. Why the lack of concern? If he were black and had hurled any insult at his innocent white professor who was simply trying to do her job, he'd be gone 15 mins before he even THOUGHT of exploding. Somehow, the white protectors would've been there to rescue the princess from the potential attack of a rabid human being who speaks in loud tones. SO WHY WAS THIS KID STILL SITTING IN FRONT OF ME and WHY wasn't there anyone from the administratio present to ensure that there would be no incidents? Is it because I'm too professional to tell him a few choice words or to insist that he realize his inferiority to me, the power player in the lecture room, who could make or break his immediate future? Should I have stormed out of my class bursting in tears, crying like a damsel in distress who was traumatized by the big bad bear? I don't get it. Where did I go wrong? WHY WAS HE THERE after clearly violating the college's code of conduct and after all necessary parties were notified?
Needless to say, he was a distraction to his fellow classmates for the entire session and I had to question those in charge after class was over. Now, the disciplinarians are still asking me to answer more questions about whether I deem him a threat EVEN AFTER at least 4 detailed reports being sent from me to them regarding this case. EVEN AFTER they have asked me what I would like to see happen to this kid and I said GET HIM OUT OF MY CLASS. They still want to know HOW dangerous I think he is. So, what I'm wondering is if he's only mildly dangerous, does this mean he stays? I don't get it!
Simply put, had the race cards been reversed and the situtation the same, that young man would have had a paper trail so long following his ass out of the college FOR GOOD, that he wouldn't even want to step on campus to enjoy the free ice-skating or to use the library. In fact, they might find some restraining order that would hold him at least one town away from the entrance of the college. THIS, my people, is the post-racial U.S.A, where our President rocks a fade and his wife gets a touch-up every 6 weeks. THIS is what happens when whitey attacks blackie and the power players look more like the attacker than the victim. $.02
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