She strikes again

So on Friday I attended a colloquium on transitioning from being a doctoral student into the work world. I learned quite a few bits of information, the most important of which was where to search for jobs in higher education. I posed several questions relating to age and race but the one which seemed to hit home for my very racist professor of whom I spoke before (see first entry) was my inquiry about searching for jobs as a young person. Her response was "oh you should be searching the Chronicles of Higher Education and that other one that they have out there...what's it called? Oh yeah they used to call it the Black Chronicle but now I don't know the name but I'll forward it to you and you can find information on how to apply to HBCUs like Howard and such" Now there were two things to consider there. First, I hadn't ever mentioned, in my 3 years here, that I was remotely interested in applying to Black schools. In fact, had she ever listened to me, she would've known that I'm more interested in going on the international market than working at any U.S. school.

I mean, what does one say to something like that? This is reminiscent of so many unsavory things she's said to me over the past 3 years. Prior to this incident, I told her I had been volunteering at a golf tournament. I was giving some commentary on the nature of the tournament and how I found it deplorable that ANYONE would have time to play golf from 9am-5pm on a work day when their subordinates are busy slaving away at work to send their children to an affordable liberal arts school. My statement was made to point out the inequity in American society, where the rich exploits the poor and plays golf without reservation or concern for the little man. Her response? "Well it's kind of a great thing if you think about it. Years ago those guys who you saw playing today would've probably never been able to stand on the golf course except to work as caddies or to fetch water and balls for their bosses." I asked her to clarify and she said "well weren't there Black All-Stars playing?" I mentioned that the majority of individuals on my side of the course were white but there were some Black men playing. Now this struck me again as something strange...I hadn't mentioned a word about black men playing or anything related to black people and here she was, racializing the incident. Granted, the event is named after a Black baseball all-star but really, why must it be about race every time she opens her mouth? And it's always something ignorant!

Then there was the ignorant classmate yesterday who wanted to talk as an expert on reproduction theory in schools. She talked about minorities having similar experiences as working class children. So I couldn't resist the urge to ask for clarification on the difference between minorities and working class children. She had assumed that once she didn't use any other clarifying statement, that everyone assumed that those working class children to whom she referred were "naturally" WHITE. So she stumbled and gagged and all but threw up at my demands that she clarifies and defines what "minority" refers to in that context she was using. The professor intervened to "put us back on task"...You see, a discussion that puts a White woman on the spot for using prejudiced terms is not accepted in my program.

This all led me to think today about the possibility of Barack Obama being President and what it means to white people in the U.S. I've grown so weary of hearing white people qualify their "tolerance" by the fact that they're voting for Obama. I cannot tell you how many times white people have asked me what I think about Obama (as if their telling me that they're voting for him will make me see them as less inherently RACIST). I often say something egregious about Obama, just to watch their faces. So let's hypothetically say that Barack Obdama were hmm, Rashid Jackson with the same qualifications but raised by a Black grandmother in Harlem or Atlanta. Would White America be so gungho Democrat if Rashid were running against John McCain? I do wonder if it's really the politics of Obama that they like or it's the fact that he makes them comfortable that he's kind of black but kind of white and kind of "safe"? I don't know, these are just a few of the things that have been in my thoughts over the past few days.$.02

In a hotel lobby in Accra

So on my recent journey to Ghana, I visited La Palm Royal hotel (hands down, the worst managed hotel I've visited) and as I was only there for one night, I decided to spend some time in the lobby of our bungalow just taking in the experience I had had over the previous 3 days and also to enjoy the fresh Ghanaian air. Then along came a spider....And here's my reaction to his major faux paux




Why is it that if you see me, a Black woman, sitting around in the lobby of a 5-star hotel in Ghana, you automatically assume that I work here?

This white devil, anglofied racist beast looked me in the face and dared to insult my intelligence with his Napoleon-syndrome-having pompous attitude...'Do you work here?" "No, do you?" "No" " so why would I work here?" "I dunno, I'm just asking".

And then reality set in! Is it really that no matter how far I go in life; no matter my level of education or status, earnings, grother, savings potential, no matter what, I will still be a negro woman who will forever be mistaken for a Ghanaian hotel worker who without her uniform is simply an off-duty hotel maid?

Well, I'll be damned if I allow the world to define Black identity as something less-than or unequal to power, prestige, persistence, perseverance, pride, and potential. I am not your Jemima! I am not giving your seedlings my soul to suck on for what feels like eternity and I refuse to let my children feel inferior or be made to feel inferior because they choose to embrace their identity. I refuse to be marginalized, exoticized, demonized, and criticized by your standards that reduce my resilient sisters to nothin gmore than a colonizer's concubine who cleans the slop from the tables of men who sold their souls for coffee and sugar cane! $.02

What About Our Children?

I wrote this essay in 2002 so it is a bit dated but it's still relevant today.

Living in the City--- What about our youth?

When was the last time you visited Crown Heights or any of the once predominantly black communities of New York City? Have you seen our new neighbors? Maybe you’re wondering what happened to the old ones. What happened to those happy little girls who played double-dutch on the street and the little boys who always opened the fire hydrant on a hot summer day? What about the old man with the pipe who sat puffing tobacco all day on the stoop with his buddies, or the women who used to bring their lawn chairs out in front of the building to deliberate over the latest news in the community? Who are these strange people taking over Harlem and Crown Heights and Bedford Stuyvesant? Last time I checked, white folks didn’t go past Eastern Parkway/Brooklyn Museum on the Brooklyn bound #1 and #2 trains or 96th street on the Manhattan side. Now why have they decided to sit all the way to the end of the train line?


We wonder why our youth are so angry and so defensive nowadays. We wonder why their faces are so grim and why they all seem to have attitudes. Some blame it on the rap lyrics, but that’s for the ignorant, uninformed bunch, who write books and novels that define a race they have no part in. Our youth are angry because they are tired of fighting. They fight for territory, they fight to eat, and they fight for mental and physical survival. Look at the environment in which we are living. Some of our youths have never inhaled a breath of fresh country air. But who will take them to the great outdoors if we are all stuck in our offices in our sophisticated suits? Why is it that our inner city schools have no technology when you, my friend, sit and mingle with IBM and Microsoft all day long surfing the internet that schools are too poor to offer to our own children. There’s a wealth of information out there and they can’t get it, simply because they’re poor. Yet we live in the city with one of the greatest skylines of all time, boasting the statue of liberty as its backdrop. Our city is one of the most segregated in the country we just don’t acknowledge it. If you ride the subways long enough, I’m sure you’ll see segregation at its worst. At least in the south you know they don’t like us, and vice versa. Here, they are in power and they suppress us, subtly. A professor of mine once posed the question “why would the colonizer educate the children of the colonized the same way he does his own children?” I ask of you, what are you doing to educate our children?


We think that children don’t notice when things happen around them. “Why isn’t so and so living next door anymore?” “Why can’t I go to such and such a school like those other kids?” These are their thoughts, but who gets to hear them when everyone is so busy trying to earn enough for a condo or a new Range Rover? Where are those young Black men and women who have climbed out of these communities into institutions of higher learning? What have they come back to do? We criticize white America for taking over our homes and our culture, yet we as young educated adults, sit back and allow them to do so. What have you done for a teenager in your community lately? When did you take time out to speak to one of the young men or women on the corner? Do you judge them as you walked by, or do you stop to change a life by inspiring them with some positive words? You went to college, got a fly degree, but what have you done to change the future of our race? How are you helping?


I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and tired of hearing Martin Luther King’s name every Black History Month. Dr. King didn’t dream that one day our youth would outnumber white boys in jail. Dr. King didn’t dream that one day we would educate ourselves and leave the future to perish because we’re too busy making a dime. Dr. King didn’t dream that Black girls would be getting pregnant at age 13 with no baby fathers. That wasn’t Dr. King’s dream. We pass our children on the streets everyday on our way to work in the white man’s world. Again, I ask you, what have you done for a child lately? Our children are fighting daily for survival in a world that doesn’t belong to them. “That rap music is poisonous to the mind,” they say, but what other role models are we giving our children? How easy it is for little boys all across America to wear bandaids on their faces because Nelly is wearing them, or to sport Jerseys all summer long because it’s that rehab they call ‘Fabolous’ style. How about the good old Alicia Keys braids that guys and girls are rocking nowadays. Why has everything become such an easy trend to follow? They have nothing else to look at. They have teachers who couldn’t care less about their education, people moving into their communities and causing them to become displaced, and a society of educated young Black adults who don’t give a damn about them. What, I ask you, is the future of our children, and when will you stop in the midst of the hustle and bustle of the city to hear what stories they have to tell? In the words of the great Mahatma Ghandi, “the future depends on what we do in the present.” $.02

The Biggest Taboo

The Biggest Taboo: Absentee Mothers

There is a new epidemic facing our community. No one sees this
epidemic, no one talks about this epidemic, and nobody seems to want
a cure for this epidemic. There is an unfair stigma that latches
itself to Black fathers and I'm about to help you put a stop to it.
There is a new generation of mothers who are walking away from their
responsibilities, leaving young fathers to tend, mend, and defend
their children alone, and for this, men have gotten no credit.

Mama! Mama! Where are you, Mama? What the hell is up with women walking out
on their kids nowadays? I see you over there reading this all
perturbed because you think I made a typo and should've said "Daddy"
where I said Mama but I guess you, like half of the population, have
not gotten the memo either. Mothers, yes, MOTHERS are walking out on
their kids nowadays, leaving fathers all by themselves. Yeah, I know
some of you are saying "good, it's about time" but what's up with
that? I mean, really, why is it that 15% of the 11 million single
family households are headed by single fathers? I know that a good
number of that percentage are those men who have lost their wives or
partners to death's sting. I'm not talking about those. I'm talking
about the new epidemic: Dead Beat Mothers. You know the type. The
ones who get with a man, fall in love, think he's everything to her
so she puts on this front to get the ring. She gets the ring, she
stops doing her thing, and he picks up the slack where she falls
short. Things are going well, they're happy as hell, then comes the
bad news: she's pregnant before she can get what she thinks she
really wants out of life. Then he's no good anymore. Then all of a
sudden chaos reigns. Then she makes his life a living hell and when
the baby comes she says "the bastard is yours" and walks the hell
out. You think I'm joking? You think this is a farce? Well pause for
a moment while I give you a dose of reality.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are an estimated 2.3
billion single fathers in the United States of America today. Gone
are the days when men who raised children alone were widowers. Today,
only 5% of single fathers are widowers, 42% of which have been
divorced, while 38% have never been married. So where the hell are
the mothers? Why have mothers decided to walk out cold on their sons
and daughters, leaving little or no support for the fathers who are
left in this situation? Then let's talk about the justice system that
is more willing to give the children to their dead beat mothers than
to a hard-working man who wants to do what's right by his child?
I've seen it over and over again; women having children just
to "please" their men then as soon as something goes wrong, they
bail, forgetting the importance of their roles in the lives of their
young soldiers. What is up with that?

Then let me not fail to attack those who dump their children on the
grandmothers of today. I know ya'll saw that pathetic episode of 60
minutes where those poor grandmothers were raising the children of
their irresponsible children while their backs and knees buckled for
lack of relaxation in their old age. Why has parenting become a
burden that everyone wants someone else to bear? But I digress so let
me refocus.

Women, our role is to uphold, instill, teach, nurture, and educate
our children. So what is this new trend proving? I know fathers have
been doing it for years, leaving mothers to tend to the future but
what is the future if there are no mothers? Don't get me wrong, this
article is meant to commend and support and congratulate those young
men who have declared that they won't be another statistic. I commend
you and I respect you for taking on the responsibility for which
society gives you no credit. But I also have to call out women who
walk away and forget that they have a huge role to play in the lives
of their sons and daughters. Ideally, a family is supposed to consist
of mother, father, and child. That idealism has died since the
beginning of the last century but is it necessary that we continue to
build negative trends and ideas for future generations?

Absentee mothers leave their children feeling unloved and uncared
for. A mother's touch, kiss, embrace are essential elements in a
growing child's life. Think about it…when you cried, your mother was
more likely to comfort you than your father. Who knew better how to
solve some of life's hardest problems than your mother? While your
father was busy providing, wasn't it your mother that you were able
to sit and converse with about the silly little things you did at
school? And when you needed to write something, wasn't it your mother
that held your hand to form those letters? So why have mothers
decided to walk away from the glorious task of raising better men and
women for tomorrow? A father's heart is warm but a mother's chest is
soft and soothing for a crying baby. So why have mothers begun to
turn away and who will pick up the slack for them?

Maybe you're one of those women that snubs men who have children even
before you know the situation. We all have done it because we have
no time for the "baby mama drama". I was one too until I sat and
reflected on my own ignorance. It was not until I heard the cry of a
baby boy whose father picked him up and hushed him with the soothing
sound of a song, that I realized how stupid I was for not
acknowledging and applauding young men with children. It is not
often that you hear fathers standing up and doing what's right by
their children. Fathers, even mine, have often been dead beats and
missing and don't get me wrong those fathers get no love or credit.
But who rides for the fathers who have stepped up to the plate when
the mothers have walked away from the most beautiful gift life can
offer?

Women, let's celebrate and support those men who have the task of
raising their children all alone. Dating them doesn't mean you
automatically become a mother; however, it makes you a mentor that
this child can lean on or look up to as a mother-figure. Remember, a
mother is not necessarily one whose womb has been occupied. If we
don't support them, then the trend will worsen. Walking away from a
man because he has a child is as bad as walking away from your own
child. Remember the old axiom, "it takes a village to raise a
child"? Well, what role are you playing in the village?

If we must stop the trend of children growing up with low self-esteem
and no values then we must join in and support the single fathers
that we know by encouraging them to continue to do their best to be
the best "daddy" in the world. We must also teach and encourage
mothers to stick by their children as we build a better future in our
communities. Children with strict, caring mothers grow up with
values and standards. Boys who are raised by good mothers grow up to
respect women as they would their own mothers. Girls with good
mothers grow up to be strong women who respect themselves and
others. The foundation of the future is melting away. Mothers are
going astray, leaving others to raise their children. If the trend
doesn't stop here, there will be no future and the vicious cycle will
continue like a plague throughout our community.
For those who are interested, here are some resources that help to
support single fathers:
National Center for Fathering http://www.fathers.com
Parents Place.com Fathering Reading Room
http://www.parentsplace.com/readroom/
Fathering Magazine http://www.fathermag.com
Single & Custodial Father's Network http://single-fathers.org/
The Single Fathers Lighthouse
http://www.av.qnet.com/~rlewis3/index.html
Eggebeen, D, Snyder, A, & Manning, W. (1996). Children in single
father families in demographic perspective. Journal of Family Issues,
17(4), 441-465.
Greif, G. (1995). Single fathers with custody following separation
and divorce. Marriage & Family Review, 20, 213-231.
Parke, R., (1996). Fatherhood. Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University
Press.
http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/cb96-195.html
http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/cb96-200.html

Statistics and resources provided by
The Population Resource Center,
http://www.prcdc.org/holiday/fathersday.html
http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/06/18/single.dads/
The Ohio State University Extension FactSheet:
http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/5310.html

$.02

Motivation

Einstein marveled in the mysteries that others found mundane. -- Isaacson

Einstein loved and encouraged individuality. He found the most pleasure in thinking differently. We should never reduce what we know or want to know to all others want us to know. If we do so, we lock ourselves away in a box for which nobody has a key! We are everything our minds allow us to be and more. Our minds guide us to reason about the unreasonable and marvel in the mundane, as Einstein did. So when people doubt us, we should take it as a compliment about our willingness to appreciate the things they cannot see. I am, you are, we are the developers of the mundane impossibilities of life

Post from Tim Wise on Anderson Cooper's blog

Race in the Race for the Presidency: How Media Pundits Gloss Over Race and Feed Racism
Posted: 02:13 PM ET

Tim Wise
Friend of the Rev. Jeremiah Wright
Author of ‘White Like Me: Reflections on Race From a Privileged Son’
www.timwise.org

Much has been said about the role that racism may play in the outcome of the 2008 Presidential election.

But what has been largely ignored is the way that media pundits, by virtue of the language they use, the questions they ask, and the way they frame issues, often reinforce racial division, and make it harder for us to examine race issues honestly.

So consider the way the media has been pushing the question, “Can Obama win working class voters?” Or, “Why is Obama having trouble connecting with working class voters?” Both questions ignore that Obama doesn’t have a working class problem—large percentages of the black folks who are turning out to support him at rates of 90% are indeed working class—but rather, a white working class problem.

By implicitly equating “working class” with white, the media reinforces the notion of “hard-working,” average (i.e. normal) folks as white. This then leaves blacks to be viewed either as the decidedly non-working and dreaded “underclass,” or the elitist types that Hillary Clinton wants people to envision when they think of Senator Obama. Either of these images can reinforce racism, either by stoking white fear of the former or resentment toward the latter.

Or consider the way the media has responded to the Jeremiah Wright controversy.
Although much attention has been paid to black anger in the wake of Rev. Wright’s largely-taken-out-of-context comments, and although some have tried to explain the place of such righteous indignation within the black church and community, the framing of the issue has reinforced the white perspective as normal, and thus, valid. So we are asked to wonder, “Why are some black people so angry?” rather than, “Why are some white people so complacent?” about racial injustice.

White complacency is seen as normal, while black anger is taken as the pathology to be understood, ultimately making them the problem. Their perspectives are the ones that are strange and in need of explanation, but ours (if we’re white) are perfectly fine and need not be explained or defended to anyone. Such a normalizing of the white perspective only makes it more likely that whites will be hostile to those who think and view the world differently.

Of course, it’s not only this election where the media has normalized whiteness, or made it altogether invisible, so that its consequences can’t even be seen, let alone understood.

Consider the 2004 Presidential race, after which most every talking head noted that President Bush had won the “evangelical vote,” and claimed that the nation was divided between “blue states” and “red states.”

In the first instance, commentators failed to notice that the President most certainly did not win the black evangelical vote, but only the white evangelical vote. Black evangelicals voted against him by at least four to one. Saying that “evangelicals” supported the President, as the media did, marginalized Christians of color, whose sense of religious duty compelled them to vote differently from their white brothers and sisters. Why? Who knows? No one thought to ask.

As for blue states and red states, the notion of a geographic divide in this country is largely mythical. Most whites in the blue states—including New York, California, Illinois, Michigan and Maryland—either voted for Bush, or split 50-50 between Bush and Kerry. Meanwhile, in the red states, people of color voted overwhelmingly against the President. In other words, the real divide was racial, not regional.

By ignoring this truth, the media ducked the hard questions about why whites and folks of color often view our country so differently, and come to such different conclusions about what would be best for the nation politically.

But it is this kind of question we need to confront in order to have a truly productive conversation about race in America. That our respective racial identities often shape the way we view our national past, present and desired future—and therefore, often cause tension because we can’t fathom where “the other guy” is coming from—is the truth that won’t go away.

Only if media helps to uncover that reality, and encourage a real discussion about what it means, for all of us, will we likely make progress on the road to racial equity.

Response to Tim Wise's post on 360 blog

I have had enough of Dr. Wright. Let me explain. I believe that everything that he has said is ABSOLUTELY true. Walk in the shoes of any black man in America today and you will feel the sting of racism all over your body. It is no mistake that there is a rise in sensationalism over the words spoken by Dr. Wright right when Obama is gaining momentum in what will be an historic event in American history. At the same time, New Yorkers are up in arms over the unjust murder of yet another Black man, shot 51 times by the police. I feel a bit of Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man coming out here. You see, these events are all connected to America's refusal to face the insidiousness of the racial divide. In the midst of the struggle to validate the seemingly invisible body of Black American men, Barack Obama is made to denounce (angrily) his (angry) pastor of 20 years. He is made to denounce all things "too black" about him in order to obtain the vote of Americans. i.e. He needs to lie in order to win. If he has to deny the very thing that has shaped his life, what is it worth? This entire situation has been so painful for me to watch. Obama wants to bring about change but how can he successfully do so when America is blind to change, to justice, and to her own faults? America is not a spotless lamb. America has issues just like any other country and it is time that we face those issues, publicly, and seek ways of reconciliation. Until the philosophy that holds one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned, That until there are no longer first class and second class citizens of any nation until the colour of a man's skin is of no more significance than the colour of his eyes(Haile Selassie), then we will have division, separation, and the whole "YES WE CAN" will never make sense to people in America. It is time to wake up and smell the coffee--dark coffee, that is--our dark past is haunting us and history certainly repeats itself in so many ways. A black man is running for office and has to denounce AND reject everything black about him...There is something absolutely wrong with this picture. Thank you, Tim Wise and others for weighing in, honestly, on this subject. Let's face it, racism exists and it's not going anywhere until we all become honest with ourselves and each other.

Sean Bell case--a letter from Al-Lateef D. Farmer

“Only in Cali/Where we riot, not rally…”
2Pac
I write this with the heaviest heart ever. I write this knowing that my human value as a Black Man means nothing in the eyes of the law, the government and the media. I write this with my veins full of anger and outrage that a judge can rule that there was no wrongdoing in a case where police officers Pigs kill a Black Man who was unarmed. I write this in a ball of confusion knowing that eyewitness testimony is hollow if the witness has had previous convictions. I write this perplexed at that blind bitch justice, who obviously is peeking through her blindfold. I write this dumbfounded that 50 shots at any target can be justified in anyone’s eyes.
The three police officers Pigs who killed Sean Bell after his bachelor party and hours before his wedding were just acquitted of the manslaughter, assault and reckless endangerment charges they faced. Nicole Paultre Bell left the courtroom as the verdict was being read, saying “I’ve got to get out of here,” as she left. People scrambled in and outside of the courtroom, scuffled outside, the media stoked the burning anger and people everywhere had to hang their heads as justice again prevailed against a person of color.
A strange irony in my receiving this news is that I was notified of the verdict while attending a conference aimed at giving young, Black Men employable skills and providing them with the tools to navigate this world. I was next to Baruti Kafele when he received a text message and looked over to me and said that cops were acquitted. I quickly went to CNN.com on my cell phone and confirmed the news; we looked at each other, nodded and shrugged. That kind of defeated shrug that says, “They did it again.”
My eyes swelled with tears as I thought that we are still three-fifths of a man by de facto law. I hurt for the unwed bride who changed her name days after her love’s death, who will go to bed tonight with the pain so fresh in her heart. I wanted to weep for their two children who will never see their father again and how it will be years before they understand what happened today. I’m still trying to wrap my head around how one person can fire 31 shots at a target whose only crime to that point had been trying to escape the guys who may or may not have identified themselves as cops. That means he emptied his clip, reloaded and then nearly emptied it again! I was shocked and dismayed that Al Sharpton called for calm at a time when there needs to be an uprising.
All of these emotions ran through my body as I listened to a group of young men aged 11-14 sing a South African song with the lyrics, “…please remember me”. I wiped a few tears away as I realized that these youngsters with God’s gift of an angelic voice will one day be subjected to police Pigs saying they fit the description, plunging their rectal cavity, firing 41 shots as they retrieve their wallet or 50 shots as they attempt to drive in fear.
I am in no way an advocate of violence…yet rebellion in the face of injustice; I will ride and die with. The boiling over of years of frustration and anger of those on the lower rung of society needs to manifest itself in a cataclysmic demonstration that cannot be denied. The revolution must be televised! And podcasted, e-mailed, covered by the major newspapers and on your FM dial!
The fire this time should burn in Queens, Harlem, Brooklyn, on Long Island and Staten Island! The fire this time should burn in Newark, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Memphis, Houston, Trenton, Miami, Atlanta, Washington D.C., Plainfield, Chicago, Denver, Houston, Oakland, New Orleans, Houston, Richmond, Baltimore, Charlotte, Birmingham, Little Rock, Cleveland, Milwaukee, Newport News, St. Louis, and Cincinnati. Hell, the fire this time should burn in Manhattan! It should burn where they shop, where they work, where the money is made, where the laws are passed!
The fire this time should burn in your favorite rapper! The fire this time should burn in actors, athletes, and singers! The fire this time should burn on college campuses! The fire this time should burn in Presidential hopefuls! The fire this time should burn in your church! The fire this time should burn on the front page of your favorite newspaper! The fire this time should burn in Spike Lee, Chuck D. and Danny Glover! The fire this time should burn in H. Rap Brown, Geronimo Pratt, Bobby Seale and Angela Davis! The fire this time should burn in you, because it damn sure burns in me!
---Al-Lateef D. Farmer

Politics and Education

I submitted the following piece to a newsletter that is supposed to be a sounding board for members of the community of scholars to which I have been assigned. Upon review, however, the Dean of the graduate school rejected the newsletter and also requested that the whole focus of the newsletter be revamped. I wasn't the only victim but her actions proved my equation to be absolutely correct.

G=P+k where P=.75 and k=.25

The equation is complicated, yet quite simple. If the marketing tools for graduate school promoted the equation, however, less people (I presume) would come. Or at least those who come would be more prepared for the truth about the graduate experience.


Graduate school! Nobody gets there without some degree of resilience, determination, and high scholastic achievement. Therefore, one would assume that graduate school—for those who choose to accept the mission—is manageable. Graduate school is the place where scholars can share ideas, debate topics of interest, and validate their theories/hypotheses. Therefore, as far as we are concerned when entering, G=K, where K=100%. Why then, is it that so many of my colleagues have faced such adversity and borderline depression when it comes to their fields of study? We have the equation to blame.


Graduate school, somehow, is the place where the most brilliant people play the most defensive roles. One’s work is constantly questioned. Your main task, while here, is to prove yourself. There is coursework for which you have to be on the defensive by showing that you have read, digested, understood, and can articulate material that you have probably seen many times before (and which probably has very little to do with your own research). Then there are comprehensive exams, where you have to defend your competence (with the material you have spent two years laboring over) to a few professors and hope that they are kind enough to allow you the honor of being called a “candidate”, rather than just a “student”. Further up the chain, you have to spend years laboring over data and other information and then pray hard that a committee of four agrees that it is safe for you to be granted the three beautiful letters of their co-ed fraternity.


We’ve all experienced meltdowns of some kind, where someone who doesn’t quite understand our experiences as mothers, fathers, children of ailing parents, aunts, uncles, immigrants, underrepresented groups of people, human beings with problems, seems to judge us unfairly. It is at that point that we all question our purpose for giving up a life of freedom to commit to the academy. It is at that point that we reconsider why we have elected to study in a town that is the “seventh cloudiest city in the United States with cold, snowy winters and warmer, wet summers.” Binghamton is not exactly the most felicitous place for young, underrepresented academics. Dubois’ double consciousness is always in full effect as we navigate the equation that is the antithesis of every true bookworm’s existence: We are used to having our work speak for itself. We have gotten this far by way of our academic achievement, not merely by who we know.


So how do we keep smiling and stay above water when professors question our abilities, when colleagues do not respect our perspectives and just label us as “other”, when people dismiss our contributions to the academy as “radical” or fail us for presenting ideas that challenge the status quo? How do we maintain healthy relationships with spouses and family in the face of such adversity and continue to focus on working ten times as hard to get five times as far as our counterparts? How do we truly get through this graduate experience? Well, a friend of mine recently met with her advisor to discuss why she had received low grades on a particular part of her comprehensive exam. His response was simple: He gave her the equation. This woman of incredible intellectual ability, who works on average, twelve hours per day on her academics was told that she needed to “make nice” with the faculty. “You don’t smile with them enough,” he said, “so they don’t know you.”


So, based on what I have deduced from this experience thus far, I realize that we come in with the expression in mind: G=k, where k=100%. However, after the first year or two, we come to the realization that g≠k but rather G-P=k. Graduate school is not a test of all you know. In fact, your knowledge is trumped by your ability to network with a few individuals with whom the power to determine your future lies. The graduate school experience at Binghamton, for some of us, indicates that knowledge is significant but more critical is one’s understanding of how to navigate “P” in order to earn Superdelegate votes into the co-ed fraternity. However, make no mistake about it; this kind of “P” is far from democratic.

Fear

Fear is a mind killer—Henry Ford

What are you so afraid of? What scares you more than a dark alley on a tranquil night, where black cats and mice roam? What scares you more than death staring you in the face? Life, that’s what!

Life scares you because you have to be strong every day that you live. You have to constantly figure out new ways to maneuver this place called earth, this thing called life.

We fear our own existence because people expect things of us; we expect things of ourselves that we aren’t sure we can truly accomplish.

So what are the consequences of this fear? We fight back at life!

We fight the people who love us, by telling them that they will never love us enough. We fight against those that don’t love us, by proving to them that we never needed them in the first place. We fight the nay-sayers, the haters, and the oppressors, showing them that schadenfreude is only an ungranted wish.

And then we fight our worst adversary: Our conscience.

That’s the fight that is the most intense, most heart-wrenching, and most painful. We fight our minds for telling us when to give up, when to start; for telling us that we can do something when physical willpower says “no”.

We fight ourselves when goals are not quite accomplished the way we expect them to be. We fight ourselves when we look into the mirror and realize that the innocence of childhood has been replaced.

We then wage a war between self and inner-self, the deadliest of battles known to man.

And when we’ve managed to annihilate our own selves, we get up, pinch ourselves, and then realize that we are still alive and that the battle of life is just a vicious cycle that we must be courageous enough to face, as long as heartbeats race and blood flows, because the only victory sweeter than beating our enemies, is that of self-realization.